Razor
Legit VIP
Two Newfies were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate
when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT so they turned around and
went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two Newfies were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other,
'Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?'
The other turns and says, 'Jeezz bye, that's easy. Can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A Newfie pushes his BMW into a gas station, he tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
The Newfie says, 'What's the story?'
The mechanic replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
The Newfie asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a Newfie for speeding and asks him if he could see
his license. He replies in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you!'
THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A Newfie goes into the doctor's office in Ontario and says that his body
hurts wherever he touches it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The Newfie took his finger, pushed on his left shoulder and screamed, then
he pushed his elbow and screamed even more.
He pushed his knee and screamed and then pushed his ankle and screamed.
Everywhere he touched made him scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not from Ontario are you?
No,' he said, 'I'm actually from Newfoundland.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
IN A VACUUM
A Newfie was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.... It was his turn. He
rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. His question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
He thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE NEWFIE JOKE TO END ALL NEWFIE JOKES!
A guy was visiting his newfie friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked him what their names were. The Newfie replied that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex.
His friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Dat's easy,' answered the Newfie 'They're watch dogs'!
IÂ’d Like To Add Another Newfie Joke.....
A policeman pulls over a Newfie, in Ontario for speeding, while heÂ’s writing
out the ticket a fly was bothering the Cop, so the Newfie says. "ThatÂ’s a
circle fly, sir."
The policeman asks, "WhatÂ’s a circle fly ?"
Newfie says, "Them are the flies you find in the barn around a horse's ass."
The policeman says, "You calling me a horse's ass?"
"Oh no sir, I would never say a thing like that, but you can't fool them
flies, sir."
when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT so they turned around and
went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two Newfies were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to the other,
'Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?'
The other turns and says, 'Jeezz bye, that's easy. Can you see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A Newfie pushes his BMW into a gas station, he tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
The Newfie says, 'What's the story?'
The mechanic replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
The Newfie asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a Newfie for speeding and asks him if he could see
his license. He replies in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to
show it to you!'
THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A Newfie goes into the doctor's office in Ontario and says that his body
hurts wherever he touches it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The Newfie took his finger, pushed on his left shoulder and screamed, then
he pushed his elbow and screamed even more.
He pushed his knee and screamed and then pushed his ankle and screamed.
Everywhere he touched made him scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not from Ontario are you?
No,' he said, 'I'm actually from Newfoundland.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
IN A VACUUM
A Newfie was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.... It was his turn. He
rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. His question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
He thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE NEWFIE JOKE TO END ALL NEWFIE JOKES!
A guy was visiting his newfie friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked him what their names were. The Newfie replied that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex.
His friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Dat's easy,' answered the Newfie 'They're watch dogs'!
IÂ’d Like To Add Another Newfie Joke.....
A policeman pulls over a Newfie, in Ontario for speeding, while heÂ’s writing
out the ticket a fly was bothering the Cop, so the Newfie says. "ThatÂ’s a
circle fly, sir."
The policeman asks, "WhatÂ’s a circle fly ?"
Newfie says, "Them are the flies you find in the barn around a horse's ass."
The policeman says, "You calling me a horse's ass?"
"Oh no sir, I would never say a thing like that, but you can't fool them
flies, sir."